ARTIE HATES MONKEYS

--Furry bastards think they're people. Their thumbs aren't even fully opposable, but they still think they're good enough to share the stage with someone the stature of, say, Rip Taylor or Joey Bishop, fer Chrissakes. When they can stop throwin' their feces around all the time, then I'll start invitin' 'em over on sunday mornings for bagels, brie, and mimosas. Until then, they can play with themselves on their own time. Feh.